Define "chronic" masturbator.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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