Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
