just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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