Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
