I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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