i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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