So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
