She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
