oh god the rape fog is back!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
