It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've blown a few things in my day
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
