I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
