I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
