is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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