dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
