I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
