ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
