my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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