take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
