I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
