i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
