You made me cry and you don't even care
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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