He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
