some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
