I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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