I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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