Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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