I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
