You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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