Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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