fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
