I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
