I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
