my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
