It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
