I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
