The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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