I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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