last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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