She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
