I just pynch a tree in the face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you had me at cake vodka
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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