do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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