I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
