dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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