So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
