I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
