the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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