Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
