did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This baby is an asshole
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
