And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry about my life...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
