He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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