it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
