At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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