WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So squirting runs in the family.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
