the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
